Perry the Manapus Mignogna
by musicalvampire
Summary: Doofenshmirtz cooks up yet another diabolical plan to defeat his arch nemesis, Perry the Platypus. But what happens when this new plan actually works? Rated T because i have no clue what may or may not be said in later chapters.


It was a relatively normal day for the Flynn-Fletcher family. Candace was in her room chatting on her cell phone with her best friend, Stacy about her boyfriend, Jeremy, and Phineas and Ferb were on the couch in the living room watching TV. Linda and Lawrence were talking in the kitchen. Perry sat between his boys in his usual dumb-looking, cross-eyed manner, waiting for his cue to make his move.

The boys were watching an old kung-fu movie in which an old master was supposed to use a new student to fight off an old student that had become evil. The new student's training had helped him make it to the final battle in the end from which only one man would emerge victorious. In the end, the good guy emerged victorious, and got to go on with his awesome, kung-fuey existence.

As the credits began to roll, Phineas sighed contentedly, saying, "That was a really good movie. I mean, wouldn't it be cool if we could really do stunts like that?" 3...2...1... He stood, fired up by the idea that was forming in his brain. "Ferb," he said, addressing his brother, "I know what we're gonna do today!"

There it was! As the boys became suddenly distracted by their plans for the day, their pet platypus slipped away in secret to one of his usual hidden transporters. Standing on his hind legs, Perry placed his trademarked fedora on his head, and slipped through the hidden doorway in the tree in the family's backyard, down through the tube system, and landed in his chair at the O.W.C.A. headquarters. Major Monogram was already on the giant screen in front of the chair, awaiting Agent P's arrival, as per usual.

"Morning, Agent P," he greeted seriously, "Lately, Doofenshmirtz has been obtaining mass amounts of metal and radioactive materials, and we all know that no good can come from that. Your mission is to find out what he's doing and stop him. Good luck, Agent P." Perry gave him a salute, and jumped in his little, platypus sized hover car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perry walked casually into the large building owned by his arch nemesis and rode up in the elevator to the top floor. A few missions before, Dr. D had given him a key to his apartment so that he wouldn't keep break in through every wall, door, and window he had. He unlocked the front door and ducked as a giant, cartoon-esque mallet swung out at him from the ceiling, grabbing onto it as it swung back into the room, and landing on the floor with extreme ease. No matter how many times they fought, Dr. Doofenshmirtz always underestimated his abilities.

"Wow. Just wow," the aforementioned evil scientist in his strange, high, scratchy voice, stomping up to Perry, "I spend all that time making sure the mallet is low enough to hit you, and you can just duck under it anyway! That's just great! Thanks a lot, Perry the Platypus!" He turned to face his daughter who was standing at the other side of the room, clad in her usual black ensemble. "Vanessa, can you pull this thing back up so no one walks into it?"

"Sure, dad," she said boredly, pulling down on a rope, causing the mallet to rise back to the ceiling.

"Well, that was a complete failure," Doofenshmirtz sighed, "But, you know, Perry the Platypus, it's the process of trial and error, and if at first you don't succeed..." He took a huge step to the left. This alerted Perry, but it was already too late. The mallet came ripping through the air again, and slammed Perry back into the small containment chamber of a machine that came up from the floor. "Try, try again!"

The trapped secret agent stood, rubbing at his pained head, and froze as he realized that there was no hat on top of it. He pressed his face up against the Plexiglas window of the chamber, looking longingly at his fedora on the floor in the space where he had just been standing.

"Haha! I knew that would work!" Dr. D gloated. "See Vanessa? I told you! He is in the machine, and I am not in any pain."

"Yet," his daughter corrected.

"Yes... Yet..." He turned his attention to his prisoner. "Now that I have you trapped, Perry the Platypus, I can reveal my ingenious plan!" Vanessa wheeled out a bulletin board with various papers tacked on all over it, (Perry could tell that they probably rehearsed this a few times) and he launched into his lengthy explanation.

"You see, Perry the Platypus, after you thwarted my last scheme, I couldn't stop thinking about how you always win. I just couldn't figure out why! So I went through everything that I know about you-which, as you can see, is a lot. And then it hit me! You and all of the agents at your agency are all animals! And, so I got to thinking, why would they only recruit animals, if humans could do the job just as well? Hm? I'll tell you why, Perry the Platypus, because something about not being human makes you all think you're better! And so you win! Sooooooooo, I figured that if I turn you human, you won't be able to win! So I made the HUMANINATOR! HA! And, what's even better, is that the worst enemy of the platypus is man! So you'll be your own worst enemy! The plan is foolproof!"

Although he knew how bad this situation could be for himself, Perry couldn't help but roll his eyes at the last part. He had hoped that they had gotten past the whole "man is his worst enemy" thing, but apparently not. He started trying to find a way to bust out of containment before something bad happened, but a clamp came out of the inner wall and held him still.

"There will be no escaping this time, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz taunted, "And, once I press this button," he hovered his hand over a red button on the machine, "you will be transformed into a human! JUST LIKE ME! WAAHAHAHAHAHA! Goodbye Perry the Platypus, hello Perry the MANAPUS!"

He jammed his hand against the button, and immediately, Perry felt a pain tear through his body as if he was being torn through by a thousand arrows of steel! He collapsed onto the floor, writhing in agony as his bones grew and morphed to that of a human. His fur and bill receded, his back feet unwebbed, his eyes grew, and he let out a blood curdling scream that was half garbled with his usual platypus growl.

Vanessa's eyes grew wide as she realized how much pain their captive was being put through. She ran up to the machine, only to be pulled back by her dad, yelling, "Dad, you have to stop it! This thing's going to kill him!"

"Nonsense, Vanessa," he countered, "It's just going to hurt for a little bit! It's the transforming process! He'll be fine once it's all over!"

"How do you know!"

"Because I calculated it all right here!" He gestured to the bulletin board. "And the calculations can't be wron- OW!" He was suddenly cut off by a metal spring hitting him in the head. They both looked at the machine as it began to rattle and another piece of metal flew off of it.

"Vanessa! Get Down!" Dr. D pulled his daughter down behind the couch to shield them from the imminent disaster. Now the Humaninator was shaking violently, and its parts were flying every which way. "Vanessa?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea..."

"You think!"

What was left of the machine flew off in all directions in one big final blast!... And then there was silence...


End file.
